The most heinous vomit ever
I was working by myself one Sunday night. 10:00pm to 6:30am. Pretty uneventful. No calls all night. Went back to the Police station and bull-shitted with the dispatcher. About daybreak, we got a call of a single vehicle accident off of Hwy 78 by a place called Lynn's Crossing. A 1977 Ford Pickup went off the side of the road, right before a bridge and turned upside down on it's roof. Being as it was summertime, kudzu was everywhere. The truck slid upside down through the kudzu, all the way down to the bottom of a ravine and ended up lying, still on it's roof, across railroad tracks.
Well, the driver was still in the truck hanging upside down strapped in by his lap seat belt. It was obvious that he was dead. He was a really big guy, and post mortem lividity had set in. I remember the EMT's got him out of the truck. He was wearing blue jean shorts and a white tee-shirt. His legs and lower stomach were fish-belly white, while his upper body and face were brilliant purple from the lividity. Anyway, he had blood and body fluids running out all over, mucous, urine and fecal matter were all over him.
Now, keep in mind that he was at the bottom of a kudzu covered ravine, probably 200 ft deep. The EMT's put him on a backboard and started trying to get him to the top where the Meat Wagon (Coroners Wagon) was. God, it was so hot that morning. I remember the sweat running down my forehead as I was directing traffic around the accident. Anyway, they would pull him up the side of the ravine 10 ft, slip on the kudzu and drop down 5 ft. It took them a really long time. As I said, this guy was huge. They finally got him to the top where a gurney was awaiting, put him on it and then took him away.
Now, they have to get the truck off the train tracks before a train came through. One wrecker got on one side of the bridge and another wrecker got on the other side of the bridge. The used cables on opposite ends of the truck and started pulling. It was slow work as they had to pull at about the same speed or the truck would slip and start to slide back down again. Finally they got it to the top, still on it's roof. One truck used a cable and flipped it over on 4 wheels.
Now, we had no idea who this guy was and one of the jobs of a policeman at a wreck scene like this is to inventory the contents of the vehicle and try to establish identity. Now, on those 70's model pickups, the Vin# was on the drivers side under the windshield, about where they are today. But, it had a piece of paper jammed over it and I could not make out what the number was. So, I opened the door, stuck my head in and was attempting to move the paper when I felt something like rain sprinkles dropping onto the back of my neck and head. I turned to look up to see what it was and caught a mouthful (not really a mouthful but it tasted like it, really just a few drops) of the body fluids that were on the roof. I remember it was a brownish, viscuous, bile type, congealed, fluid. It came raining down on my head and face. God, I just felt a little bile rise up when I remembered that. Anyway, I tasted it and immediately power vomited. I am saying that I vomited so hard I thought my balls were going to come through my nostrils. I threw up in the truck, all over my uniform, on my shoes, then ran to the side of the road and threw up until I could not throw up anymore. Around this time, we had an idea of what AIDS was and carried that jellied alcohol hand cleaner with us. I literally drank a bottle of that shit to get that taste out of my mouth. Never before or since have I been as sick as that. I threw up until my gut hurt. God, it was so bad. Smelling death is nothing compared to tasting death. You know, I never did finish inventorying and establishing that guys identity. The day shift guy did that. I think I was nauseated for days after.
I had to tell this one.....Next time I will tell a funny one
Well, the driver was still in the truck hanging upside down strapped in by his lap seat belt. It was obvious that he was dead. He was a really big guy, and post mortem lividity had set in. I remember the EMT's got him out of the truck. He was wearing blue jean shorts and a white tee-shirt. His legs and lower stomach were fish-belly white, while his upper body and face were brilliant purple from the lividity. Anyway, he had blood and body fluids running out all over, mucous, urine and fecal matter were all over him.
Now, keep in mind that he was at the bottom of a kudzu covered ravine, probably 200 ft deep. The EMT's put him on a backboard and started trying to get him to the top where the Meat Wagon (Coroners Wagon) was. God, it was so hot that morning. I remember the sweat running down my forehead as I was directing traffic around the accident. Anyway, they would pull him up the side of the ravine 10 ft, slip on the kudzu and drop down 5 ft. It took them a really long time. As I said, this guy was huge. They finally got him to the top where a gurney was awaiting, put him on it and then took him away.
Now, they have to get the truck off the train tracks before a train came through. One wrecker got on one side of the bridge and another wrecker got on the other side of the bridge. The used cables on opposite ends of the truck and started pulling. It was slow work as they had to pull at about the same speed or the truck would slip and start to slide back down again. Finally they got it to the top, still on it's roof. One truck used a cable and flipped it over on 4 wheels.
Now, we had no idea who this guy was and one of the jobs of a policeman at a wreck scene like this is to inventory the contents of the vehicle and try to establish identity. Now, on those 70's model pickups, the Vin# was on the drivers side under the windshield, about where they are today. But, it had a piece of paper jammed over it and I could not make out what the number was. So, I opened the door, stuck my head in and was attempting to move the paper when I felt something like rain sprinkles dropping onto the back of my neck and head. I turned to look up to see what it was and caught a mouthful (not really a mouthful but it tasted like it, really just a few drops) of the body fluids that were on the roof. I remember it was a brownish, viscuous, bile type, congealed, fluid. It came raining down on my head and face. God, I just felt a little bile rise up when I remembered that. Anyway, I tasted it and immediately power vomited. I am saying that I vomited so hard I thought my balls were going to come through my nostrils. I threw up in the truck, all over my uniform, on my shoes, then ran to the side of the road and threw up until I could not throw up anymore. Around this time, we had an idea of what AIDS was and carried that jellied alcohol hand cleaner with us. I literally drank a bottle of that shit to get that taste out of my mouth. Never before or since have I been as sick as that. I threw up until my gut hurt. God, it was so bad. Smelling death is nothing compared to tasting death. You know, I never did finish inventorying and establishing that guys identity. The day shift guy did that. I think I was nauseated for days after.
I had to tell this one.....Next time I will tell a funny one
__________________
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave, safely in a well preserved body, but rather to slide in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, wasted beyond redemption, with a shot of Stranahans in one hand and a joint in the other screaming "HOLY SHIT, what a ride!"
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American GI. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave, safely in a well preserved body, but rather to slide in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, wasted beyond redemption, with a shot of Stranahans in one hand and a joint in the other screaming "HOLY SHIT, what a ride!"
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American GI. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
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