Our first Christmas apart!

Holidays at Home

I know how you are about holidays,
All the joy and excitement you feel.
I was there with you, I shared your ways,
And now that I’m gone, I know it doesn’t seem real.

I know that now you go through the motions,
And that you are trying, for my sake,
To slow the tears, to still the oceans.
You want to find that it’s all a mistake.

But, oh, my dear one, let me speak to your heart.
Let me tell you what I now know.
It’s true that I have left, that we had to part.
And it’s true that you must let go.

But it’s also true that I am more than I ever was before.
I am joy, and light, and perfect song,
And pure love woven with memories galore.
The essence of my life with you is ever-present and strong.

For always and ever I am with you,
Even when you are unaware.
I offer you comfort, and hope, and all things true.
I offer you help with the burdens you bear.

So though you do not see me clearly,
I see you and I kiss away your tears.
I am whole and free
And you can cast aside your fears.

Think of me now and remember our holidays.
Know that my memories of them are strong.
And know also that I am happy, with love ablaze,
For I am home now, where I belong.

My little babies, CoCo and Taterbug!

Love On The Winds Of Peace

Christmas Eve was a very special night at Rainbow Bridge.
Was the night that each had a chance to whisper Merry Christmas
to the hearts of their loved ones. The keeper Of The Winds would
lift all on the Winds Of Peace and bring them to their Families sides.
There they would spend this time of reunion sitting by the sides of their
Mommas and Daddy's.

Some would visit the dreams of their loved ones and let them know
that all was well. Together they would remember all the wonderful times.
The Fur Angels were able to let their parents know that they waited for them
that when it was time they would be together again for always.
Others would sit at their families' side and lay their heads on the hearts
of these special ones and whisper I am here. By having been taught
true love by the Angels Of The Rainbow these special ones had
opened their hearts and could hear the words of love. They felt the
gentle touches of Angel Wings. They heard the sweetest music. A
heavenly choir. Each felt the warmth of healing return to their souls.
Each knew when was it time, there would be reunion. It was only a
heart beat away.

On this special night of rebirth each was able to touch again in their
own way. Each was able to bring comfort to the ones who had given
them so much joy just by letting them in. For the bond shared was so
strong that nothing could break it. It only grew stronger with each
memory of love shared. The silver thread joined them and would
guide them together.

The SilverWolf would watch over the new ones who had arrived at the
Bridge just before was time to glide to their loved ones' side. Just as his Daddy
did he would reach out to them and show them how to speak to their families
hearts. Each new Angel could see and hear the warm wisdom in the gentle
voice of the silver one. He knew how they felt when given this gift. He too
had special words he would whisper to his Daddy. He would bring these
words to him in the blue of a Morning Glory.

Just before the sun was to rise on a new day of healing for the ones
who waited to join the Angels. The Keeper of the Winds cradled the
Angels in his arms and brought them back to the bridge. When all
arrived they all gathered together and watched the sun rise.
On each Christmas morning they said a special prayer and the Keeper Of
The Winds of Peace brought their voices to the ones Who Cared.

'We are always by your side, each step you take we take it with you. Each silver
tear that falls we are there to help them dry. Each tear helps wash the pain away.
On this Christmas Morning we wish peace of heart and healing. You who have opened
your hearts to love and gave so much in a gentle touch or a loving look.
Stars above hear our prayer watch over these special ones for us till we can.'

The Silver one whispered' heart of my heart I love you always and forever.'
This path of healing you are on will guide you to me when is time. Till then we are
always by your side.

  A Christmas Story   

      December is the best month of the year at the Rainbow Bridge. For the dogs there is snow to romp in and the angels always have time to toss snowballs for them to chase. The cats enjoy patting at the snowflakes as they fall, and then curling up near the fireplace for a nice winter's nap.

      But it is the lights that make this time so special. Winter on the Earth, their former home, is a time of lengthening darkness, and in December candles glow all around the globe beginning with Chanukah, the Festival of Lights, and continuing on right through the New Year's festivities. At the Bridge the glow of these candles is reflected in all of the trees, and in the hearts of every Bridgekid as they observe the month in their own special way; with memories of the lives, and the loved ones they left behind.

      For most it is a time of quiet joy, but each year there are always a few who draw apart..
Near to midnight, "home time" on December 24 Charlie realized someone was missing from the Hale gathering. "I'll be right back," he told his siblings. He passed many similar groupings as he hurried down the well worn path, many friends called out to him, but he only acknowledge the greetings with a wave and continued on. The path ended at the Rainbow, and there he found a small group of newcomers, each sitting quietly, alone. One of these, the missing Sandifur, was crouched at the very edge, his stumpy tail twitching rapidly, as he stared at the scene below.

      "You are missing the party, little brother," Charlie said.
"I don't care," replied Sandifur, "I don't like Christmas anyway. "

     Charlie only smiled. "I felt the same way my first year. Do you remember your very first Christmas with Mom and Dad? Remember the new scratching tree they gave us that year, and the catnip mice? And remember all the good things we got to eat? That was a great time, wasn't it?" Sandifur nodded, still gazing intently below. "I want to go back."
"I did too, " Charlie said, licking gently at his brother's ear. "But we can't, baby brother. This is our place now." "But it's Christmas, and Mom and Dad miss us so much. Look, mom is lighting a candle right now, just for us and she is crying."

     "Christmas Eve is her time to remember, little one, but tomorrow she will pass out the presents to all of our brothers and sisters, and she will be happy again. I want to show you something. Come with me."
      Together the two kiddens climbed the arch of the Rainbow, and at the very top Charlie stopped. "Do you see that big silver cloud over there? Watch closely."

     As Sandifur gazed the cloud began to swirl and gradually an image came into view. The clearing where he had left his family, and a larger gathering around the big, glowing pine tree. He could see the dogs, many more of them than when he had left, playing fetch and tug of war, and the kiddens, so many kiddens, sleeping in a heap, their soggy catnip mice forgotten in the grass.

      Suddenly the kiddens all woke up, and the dogs ceased their play and stared into the darkness beyond the clearing, tails wagging in greeting.
And then, much to Sandifur's amazement, two humans stepped into the light."
"Hurry, Charlie, we have to go back," he said. " Mom and Dad, they're here!"
"Not just yet, Sandy. That cloud is our Window into Tomorrow.
Come back with me now, and join the others. The reunion will come. We have been promised."

     Sandy reluctantly pulled his gaze away from the vision of the future, and followed Charlie. They found the others waiting for them at the base of the rainbow. "Is it time?" Charlie asked.
Terrie nodded, "They are waiting."
All of the Hale Bridgekids drew together, and looked over the edge, and along the entire length of the rainbow similar groups were gathered, all looking down at their former homes.

Suddenly the light of a million candles from the Earth met the glow from the Rainbow Bridge. "Now," Charlie whispered.

      In unison three words were repeated again and again, and as they were spoken they merged with the bridge of light, flowing from the rainbow to the earth, and back again in ever increasing brilliance, and the colors of the rainbow merged with the light. "I love you," they all said, and the love entered every heart of the pet parents on earth, and the hearts of those who gathered at the rainbow.

      "Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad," Sandifur whispered again, watching the lights slowly fade. "I love you. I will be waiting."

"I will look ahead for there is our tomorrow."

Taterbug and CoCo...first Christmas in Heaven

My First Christmas in Heaven


     I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
     With tiny lights, like Heaven's star, reflecting on the snow.

     The sight is spectacular, please wipe away the tear.
     For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

     I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
     But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas Choir up here.

     I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
     For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

     I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart,
     But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart

     So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear
     And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

     I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
     I sent you each a memory of my undying love.

     After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
     It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

     Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
     For I can't count the blessings of love he has for each of you.

     So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear,
     Remember I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

For my two little lost dogs, CoCo and Taterbug

I put away your favorite toys
...the ones you never shared
When any dog did dare try
you met them with teeth bared
I see them every now and then
in a drawer, tucked safe away
I touch them softly and recall
you always shared with me to play

I also put away your bed, your collar,
leash, and dish.
To see you use them just once more
yes... it's my secret wish
I even wiped away all those little stains
you always left behind
But to see one now would make me smile
...oh, to find just one tiny sign

All those dirty little footprints
you tracked across the floor
Have long ago been mopped away
when at the time seemed such a daily chore
Just as the ones out on the porch
I watched them slowly fade
'till one day they were there no more
Now only faded memories of when by you were made

All your hair is long gone now too, you see
vacuumed, swept, or wiped away
Perhaps there's still one in the car
your favorite place to be
Where never was I lonely,'cause you always rode with me
Anyone else would surely say your seat is now so bare
But, sometimes when no one's looking,  I say "hello"
...just like you were still there

But, oh,  those dear little tracks
you tread across my heart
Will stay always and forever true
...as they have right from the start
For nothing can erase these pawprints
you made for me with love
You never need doubt, I'll never forget, should you look down from above
With each beat echos our love...this one everlasting sign from you
will never wipe away or fade
My every gentle reminder... that my best friend ever made

For Taterbug and CoCo

We Remember Them

In the rising of the sun and in its going down,

We remember them.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,

We remember them.

In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring,

We remember them.

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,

We remember them.

In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,

We remember them.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends,

We remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength,

We remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart,

We remember them.

When we have joys we yearn to share,

We remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live,

For they are now a part of us, as
We remember them.

For my two little dogs, Taterbug and CoCo

"Gentlemen of the jury: the best friend a man has in the world may turn against him and become his worst enemy. His son or daughter that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and our good name, may become traitors to their faith. The money that man has, he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it the most. A man's reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads.




The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous... is his dog.



Gentlemen of the Jury: a man's dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master's side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens. If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death."

CoCo 4/3/2010-Taterbug 6-10-2010

Words Overheard Near a Rainbow




I couldn't keep you young forever
I couldn't keep you from growing old
Though I tried to forever keep you healthy
Keep you safe and warm from the cold

I couldn't save you from that illness
I couldn't save you from that plight
I tried to save you, oh how I tried
But I could just not make it right

I couldn't save you from that water
I couldn't save you from that fire
I tried to protect you from everything
To keep you safe was my only desire

I couldn't save you from that accident
I couldn't save you from being attacked
I would if I could, change everything
If it could only bring you back

I couldn't find you when you went missing
I couldn't find you anywhere
My heart in pieces, I searched for you
Please don't think that I didn't care

I left the room for your final breath
Oh how that haunts me so
I love you more than words can say
I couldn't bear to watch you go

I couldn't see the bad things coming
How could I miss so many signs
If love could keep you alive forever
You'd be here, you'd be just fine

I wasn't with you when you slipped away
I was miles away when you died
I had no idea that you were going to be gone
So many tears now I have cried

It hurt my heart to see you suffer
It tore my soul to see you in pain
The look in my eyes, I didn't want goodbyes
I just wanted you home again

Forgive me for not saving you
Forgive me for letting go
Please forgive me for so many things
I love you more than you know

I sit now and stare at memories
Of loss and disbelief
Not a single thing is sheltered from
This complete and tearing grief

I think of every moment
I think of all the years
The years we shared, or could have shared
I just can't stop these tears

I absolutely love you
It is absolute this pain
How I absolutely miss you
Not a thing here feels the same

Your presence was my sunshine
Your voice my favorite song
Oh so alive, the very essence of life
How in the world can you be gone

I thought I saw you in a shadow there
I think I hear you in the occasional sound
Sometimes at night, when all is still
I could swear that you're still around

I walk this world without you now
If I were to walk it everywhere
Every thought, every step, every beat of my heart
You'll be always with me there

If I were to stand on the edge of a mountain
If I were to gaze out over the sea
Don't you know that you're there, deep in my soul
Absolutely everywhere with me

I try to put it all back together
My life, my soul, my heart
But to live this life without you now
I just don't know how to start

~ ~
Do you remember the day that you found me
Do you remember the day that we met
You saved me then from so many fates
That you cannot realize yet

You couldn't save me from that illness
You couldn't save me from that plight
But I was safe so long from so many things
And I was happy day and night

You couldn't keep me young forever
I couldn't keep from growing old
But every moment with you was a lifetime of love
To let the truth be told

You would have saved me from that water
You would have saved me from my fate
You would if you could, I know you would
So please love yourself , don't hate

You couldn't save me from the accident
You couldn't save me from that foe
Think of the life that we shared, all the magical times
Oh how I dearly love you so

You couldn't find me when I went missing
Of course I know how hard you tried
But your love it warmed me wherever I went
It warmed me far and wide

You couldn't bear to watch my passing
You had to stand outside the door
Please don't despair, I could feel your love there
As strongly as ever before

It hurt you to watch me suffer
It hurt your heart to see me in pain
You loved me so much, and I know it was hard
But there is sunshine here past that rain

I wasn't alone in my passing
Even though you were miles away
I was never alone, as your love filled my heart
From the first moment of our very first day

I know how you so tried to mend me
And with your life you would protect me so
We couldn't see the bad things coming
But it's alright, I want you to know

I can't forgive you in any way
Not in rhyme, not in thought, or in song
Don't ask forgiveness, as there's nothing to forgive
You loved me, so how is that wrong

Oh why oh why are you weeping
Oh why has your face gone blank
I had a beautiful life beyond my wildest of dreams
And for that it's you that I thank

Smile with me and warm in the memories
See me here beyond your tears
The bond that we share is a wonderous thing
Not measured in hours, or in months or in years

With you, I had all that I wanted
I needed no fortunes of kings and queens
You gave me love, gave me warmth and happiness
I was rich beyond my wildest dreams

Please smile now and walk strong, I ask you
Gain your strength once again, please start
I wanted to tell you, from the moment we met
You are the absolute beat of my heart

Do you know that I very much love you
How I so absolutely do
If I had a thousand lifetimes, to be with one soul
I would spend every moment with you

I'm glad that you hear me near you
And see my shadow both night and day
Though it seems that I'm gone, as I'm no longer there
But I am never all that far away

When you see a rainbow near in the sky
It's a gift to your heart from mine
So many of us here, oh such love
Together we all make it shine

So sit now and smile at our moments
And know that our love knows no end
Cry tears of joy, I'm the love of your life
And you're mine, my very best friend

So if you feel empty on the top of the mountain
Or as you gaze to the far distant shores
Trust when you feel me, when to your heart I do whisper...
"We'll be together, forevermore."

Taterbug and CoCo

To Love A Dog

Oh, how a dog can bless your life

Canine wisdom teaches you much

The value of unconditional love,

The comfort of a loyal touch.

Dogs have their own sweet dignity

Playing or resting a head on your knee

Sharing your joy and sensing your pain,

With a love that's sunshine in the rain.

As you gaze into loving, soulful eyes

I pray that God helps you realize

Your dog and you will never part,

For true love lives inside the heart.

Your Happiness

People say you are with me in my heart

but it sure feels like we’re apart.

They say you are watching over me

to help from a place I cannot see.

It is my belief that you can’t do any more

then you did in this realm before.

And what you did was inspire me

with your uplifting empathy.

Your presence made my days

lifting my spirits always.

Without your nearness life is cold

and it’s your warmth I want to hold.

Your presence brightened a room.

now the empty space is filled with gloom.

Even just to have you lie at my feet

comforted me with peace so sweet.

I try to envision us in my mind

walking in nature while the sun shined.

I smile when picturing your eyes

looking up at me gentle and wise.

But none of these pictures in my mind

fulfill my heart, because I’m left behind.

We were a team, you and me;

I feared nothing and lived carefree.

How do I find my way?

Without you I’m going astray.

But, my dear beloved girl and boy

I know that where you are, there is joy.

And with this knowledge I’ll be okay

Because it’s your happiness for which I pray.

I miss them

Words Overheard Near a Rainbow

I couldn't keep you young forever
I couldn't keep you from growing old
Though I tried to forever keep you healthy

Keep you safe and warm from the cold

I couldn't save you from that illness
I couldn't save you from that plight
I tried to save you, oh how I tried
But I could just not make it right

I couldn't save you from that water
I couldn't save you from that fire
I tried to protect you from everything
To keep you safe was my only desire

I couldn't save you from that accident
I couldn't save you from being attacked
I would if I could, change everything
If it could only bring you back

I couldn't find you when you went missing
I couldn't find you anywhere
My heart in pieces, I searched for you
Please don't think that I didn't care

I left the room for your final breath
Oh how that haunts me so
I love you more than words can say
I couldn't bear to watch you go

I couldn't see the bad things coming
How could I miss so many signs
If love could keep you alive forever
You'd be here, you'd be just fine

I wasn't with you when you slipped away
I was miles away when you died
I had no idea that you were going to be gone
So many tears now I have cried

It hurt my heart to see you suffer
It tore my soul to see you in pain
The look in my eyes, I didn't want goodbyes
I just wanted you home again

Forgive me for not saving you
Forgive me for letting go
Please forgive me for so many things
I love you more than you know

I sit now and stare at memories
Of loss and disbelief
Not a single thing is sheltered from
This complete and tearing grief

I think of every moment
I think of all the years
The years we shared, or could have shared
I just can't stop these tears

I absolutely love you
It is absolute this pain
How I absolutely miss you
Not a thing here feels the same

Your presence was my sunshine
Your voice my favorite song
Oh so alive, the very essence of life
How in the world can you be gone

I thought I saw you in a shadow there
I think I hear you in the occasional sound
Sometimes at night, when all is still
I could swear that you're still around

I walk this world without you now
If I were to walk it everywhere
Every thought, every step, every beat of my heart
You'll be always with me there

If I were to stand on the edge of a mountain
If I were to gaze out over the sea
Don't you know that you're there, deep in my soul
Absolutely everywhere with me

I try to put it all back together
My life, my soul, my heart
But to live this life without you now
I just don't know how to start

~ ~

Do you remember the day that you found me
Do you remember the day that we met
You saved me then from so many fates
That you cannot realize yet

You couldn't save me from that illness
You couldn't save me from that plight
But I was safe so long from so many things
And I was happy day and night

You couldn't keep me young forever
I couldn't keep from growing old
But every moment with you was a lifetime of love
To let the truth be told

You would have saved me from that water
You would have saved me from my fate
You would if you could, I know you would
So please love yourself , don't hate

You couldn't save me from the accident
You couldn't save me from that foe
Think of the life that we shared, all the magical times
Oh how I dearly love you so

You couldn't find me when I went missing
Of course I know how hard you tried
But your love it warmed me wherever I went
It warmed me far and wide

You couldn't bear to watch my passing
You had to stand outside the door
Please don't despair, I could feel your love there
As strongly as ever before

It hurt you to watch me suffer
It hurt your heart to see me in pain
You loved me so much, and I know it was hard
But there is sunshine here past that rain

I wasn't alone in my passing
Even though you were miles away
I was never alone, as your love filled my heart
From the first moment of our very first day

I know how you so tried to mend me
And with your life you would protect me so
We couldn't see the bad things coming
But it's alright, I want you to know

I can't forgive you in any way
Not in rhyme, not in thought, or in song
Don't ask forgiveness, as there's nothing to forgive
You loved me, so how is that wrong

Oh why oh why are you weeping
Oh why has your face gone blank
I had a beautiful life beyond my wildest of dreams
And for that it's you that I thank

Smile with me and warm in the memories
See me here beyond your tears
The bond that we share is a wonderous thing
Not measured in hours, or in months or in years

With you, I had all that I wanted
I needed no fortunes of kings and queens
You gave me love, gave me warmth and happiness
I was rich beyond my wildest dreams

Please smile now and walk strong, I ask you
Gain your strength once again, please start
I wanted to tell you, from the moment we met
You are the absolute beat of my heart

Do you know that I very much love you
How I so absolutely do
If I had a thousand lifetimes, to be with one soul
I would spend every moment with you

I'm glad that you hear me near you
And see my shadow both night and day
Though it seems that I'm gone, as I'm no longer there
But I am never all that far away

When you see a rainbow near in the sky
It's a gift to your heart from mine
So many of us here, oh such love
Together we all make it shine

So sit now and smile at our moments
And know that our love knows no end
Cry tears of joy, I'm the love of your life
And you're mine, my very best friend

So if you feel empty on the top of the mountain
Or as you gaze to the far distant shores
Trust when you feel me, when to your heart I do whisper...
"We'll be together, forevermore."

CoCo and Rebel

My CoCo was a lttle fearless shih tzu. He did not realize how small he truly was. You would listen to his bark and think he was a huge doberman or something. Anyway, I let him out to peepee in the front yard one time. Our neighbor had this huge black Newfoundland (?) name of Rebel. Now Rebel goes about 180 lbs or more. He is on an electronic leash and will only go to the edge of his yard but no further. Anyway, I let CoCo out to peepee. Rebel sees him and goes to the edge of his yard and starts barking. CoCo sees Rebel and takes off running towards him barking up a storm. He was really moving, those little legs going as fast as they could. His little ears were flopping. And it was his, "I'm gonna kick your butt" bark. It scared the crap out of me because I thought to myself, "Rebel would kill him with one snap". I take off after CoCo. Now, right as CoCo gets to Rebel, he pulls up short, raises his leg, and pees all over Rebels foot. Rebel, moves forward a couple of inches and pees on CoCo's head, and literally soaks him. I reach in and grab CoCo and take him back across to my wife, who upon hearing the commotion, has come out to see what was happening. CoCo was drenched head to tail. We laughed so hard that we had tears in our eyes. I really miss that little comical boy

Not your average dream

I recently lost two dogs. CoCo passed from Cushings disease on April 3rd and Taterbug passed from congestive heart failure on June 6th. I have cried a million tears for those little dogs. I loved them a lot and miss them immensley. My wife had a visitation from CoCo that I recounted in a posting from earlier. I, however, had not had a dream or anything about them. I was just a tad bit jealous but did not say anything. This is what gives me chills, even as I type this. This morning, my alarm clock went off. I hit the snooze button which gives me 9 more minutes of sleep. I dozed back off and immediately, Taterbug came to me in a dream, squinting her eyes like she used to do when she would give me, "beautiful eyes". Her little tail was wagging and she appeared different. I bent to pick her up and realized, she was younger. I started crying, in my sleep as I picked her up. It was so real, I felt her in my hands again. Then, the dang alarm went back off and I had to get up, tears still rolling down my face. I recounted the dream to my wife and she said, "I just had the exact same dream, was she giving you "beautiful eyes"? I said yes and she started crying saying that the dream she had was at the exact time and was exactly the same. I was blown away that me and my wife could have the same dream at the same time. We cried for 10 minutes about how pretty Taterbug was and that it had to be Taterbug visiting, letting us know that she is fine and not old and frail anymore. I would not have believed it if I had not experienced it. I now await CoCo. I figure Taterbug will show him how to visit us. It has given me a sense of peace that I have not had until now. If CoCo comes to me, I think it would complete the circle and life would go on, not as beautiful as when they were alive but it will go on.

CoCo made his presence known

It was 4/3/2010 that my sweet little Shih tzu, CoCo passed away from complications from Cushings disease. Not a day has passed that I have not eventually broke into tears. Now, CoCo loved me but he absolutely worshipped my wife. When he died, she took it even harder than me. Anyway, she called me this morning, crying her eyes out. She said she was busy making breakfast, which was CoCo's favorite time of the day. He would be in the kitchen right under her feet waiting on her to finish. She said the other three dogs were sleeping, so it was basically silent except for bacon frying in the pan. CoCo had a very distinct way of getting your attention if he thought you did not notice him waiting. He would snort, and then you would hear him say, "harrumph", which would always make us laugh and smile. Well, she said she heard that loudly in the silence. CoCo' little lifelong companion, Lexi, immediately woke up and her tail started wagging. My wife called me, crying her eyes out. I told her that CoCo was just letting her and Lexi know that he was still with them. It was a sign. Ironically it has been exactly one month since he died. I told her not to cry but rejoice in the fact that his love was so strong it reached across the chasm between life and death to communicate his love. That is true undying love. Hopefully, he will come to me in my dreams or similiarly and give me some inner peace knowing that he knew how very much we loved him.

Do you remember?

I was sitting at work thinking of my two lost little ones. I have to do that so I can keep them fresh in my memory. But one thing that kept flashing into my mind was the first day that I got them.

I got Taterbug about two weeks after we lost our albino chihuahua, Caesar in the summer of 1997. Caesar was killed by a male Dalmatian after he went sniffing a female Dalmatians rear end. Kind of an inglorious way to go, but that was my little Caesar. We grieved and cried for about two weeks when my wife told me of a woman that had a littler of chihuahua pups with no papers. Seems like her and her soon-to-be ex husband were divorcing. One owned the Mama and one owned the Daddy do and neither would provide the other with papers to make them officially "chihuahua's". Reluctantly, I agreed to go look at them. When I got there, there were only 4 pups left. And the scrawniest, shyest, one of them all crawled towards me and looked up at me. It was love at first sight. That was my "Taterbug". I gave the lady $100.00 for her and scooped Taterbug up and put her in my shirt pocket. She was so small that you could not even tell that I had anything in my pocket. Being brindle, she looked just like a little tiger cub kitten. As a matter of fact, people would ask me if she was a kitten. She wasn't she was a chihuahua. I took her home and surprised my kids with her. She literally grew up with them. I miss that old girl. She lived through a lot of good times and bad times with us. I know she is in Heaven now, no longer old, but young and healthy.

CoCo was a little different story. Our next door neighbor had CoCo and his little half-sister, a silky tzu, Lexi, living on her back deck. It was about a 5x10 area with no shelter from the sun, rain, cold, or whatever the weather was doing. And their hair was so matted they were miserable. Everytime we came home my wife would step over and say "Hello" to them. They were a stinky little mass of hair. For those that have had shih-tzu's and silky tzu's, you know how quickly that can happen. My wife kept saying she was going to get those dogs from our neighbor. Anyway, one day I come home from work and she had done it. She talked the lady into giving us both dogs. My wife was on the back porch with clippers shaving them down as best she could. When she finished I told her, "Those dogs look like fire victims". It DID make them more comfortable. My wife said the woman eagerly agreed to give them to us because, in her words, "They stink and they eat poopoo". I fell head over heels in love with them from the first day. CoCo had such a comical personality. He was always grinning. He was hard to housetrain though. What we did was buy Pampers diapers and alter them to fit him, until he got the hang of it. He was so embarassed by the diapers. I think my other dogs laughed at him. He eventually got the hang of it and didn't peepee anymore in the house. I love that little smiling boy so much. I wish he was still here with us.

In memorium

While grieving the loss of my precious, bow-legged shih tzu, CoCo, and my little gray-face brindle chihuahua, Taterbug, memories came flooding back to me about my other little ones that are already in Heaven awaiting my arrival.
Taterbug-13 year old brindle chihuahua-died from congestive heart failure
CoCo-Shih tzu- died from Cusings disease
Caesar-albino Chihuahua-killed by a male dalmation
Molly-Cocker Spaniel-died from colic (I think)
Sassy-Rottweiler-died from demedectic mange
Daisy-Rottweiler-Parvo
Judu-Chihuahua-died giving birth to Jean
Jean-died at birth
Prissy-Border Collie-died in a freak car accident
Queenie-mixed mutt-died from skin infection on the way to the vet
Champ-German Shepard-died from poison from next door neighbor
Bubbles-Chihuahua-died of old age
Zipper and Bullet-German Shepard Pups-died from distemper right after we got them
Wallop-Australian Border Collie-died after being ran over by a popsicle man, right in front of my house and with 20 kids watching. He did it purposefully and went to jail if I remember correctly.
Lucky-little mixed puppy, my first as a child-ran over by a train

Each of these little dogs helped me build more and more love towards all dogs. They were with me at every good time or bad time in my life. These are those that I wish to reunite with when my Forever day comes. I went from the most recent back to the first. I loved each and everyone of them with all my heart. It is a shame that their lifespan is not equal to ours but I think there is a purpose in that. God wants us to spread our love over many years and if they lived as long as we do, then we would keep that one special friend forever and not enjoy the love of others. Each of these dogs owns a piece of my heart. I hope they are patiently awaiting my arrival in Paradise

I had some friends

My Friend



I had a friend for many years,

We met before the day

Where Father Time had touched his face

And streaked his hair with gray.



We met when I was very young.

He held me in his arm

And softly whispered in my ear

"You'll never come to harm."



"You have my heart my little friend,

I'll never leave your side

No matter what will come along

Our souls forever tied."



So I went home, to my surprise

My sister came with me

And while she liked the strange old man,

She clearly did not see.



He was much more than one to wake

For breakfast at the dawn,

Or one to let us go outside

And play upon the lawn.



He loved me even in the days

I couldn't come and play.

He'd hold my head and stroke my chin

Bend close and softly say,



"What's wrong my boy, come out and play,

Come join me in the sun."

And though I'd try to play with him

My playing days were done.



I'll not forget when last I saw

My big and gentle friend.

He held my head and stroked my side

I knew this was the end.



Although I tried to lick his hand,

My eyes began to close,

And as I was about to leave

A tear caressed my nose.



So now I wait outside a gate,

The sun is warm and bright.

The fields are green and water sweet

With stars so bright at night.



And though I've yet to step inside

These gates of pearly white,

The sound of music ventures forth

And warms my heart at night.



For now, I'll wait. It won't be long,

My path will soon be free.

My friend will walk me through the gate

You see . . . he'd wait for me.

To CoCo and Taterbug

For my babies

How I long to touch you
Just like I did before
Scratch you behind your ears
And hold you just once more
Your time with me was much too short
I love you so very much
You have went to Heaven to await me
And, I no longer feel your touch
But your spirit is right here with me
Until my dying days
You knew without doubt, the love I felt
And our love will never go away
So Taterbug and CoCo To God I give you back, mournful to the end
Until the day, we are re-joined And my heart is on the mend

I love you two little babies

The Eyes of a Dog

What do the eyes of a dog tell you or show you? I believe, when we look into the eyes of a dog, we see the face of God. I believe we feel the love of God shining in our faces. I believe when we look into the eyes of a dog, we see undying pure love and devotion. I believe when we look into the eyes of a dog, we see wonderment in life and nature. We see the glee in a new chew toy. We also see innocence, beauty, friendship, dreams, adventure and many, many wonderful things. I believe if we look closely enough at them, our dogs can see the same things in our eyes while looking into the windows of our soul. A dog's eyes can show you a glint of mischeviousness, a glimmer of hope and sparkles of love. Our dogs show us all these things and all they ask is that we pay attention and see these wonderful things they are showing to us. Are you paying attention?

"I Must Go First"

"I must go first to pave the way"
CoCo said to himself
"Taterbug is fast approaching her Forever Day
and I have to cross over to help"

She puts on a brave face for others
But I know she's scared, frail and gray
I'm tough and strong so I can help her
Journey on her Forever Day

I'll be there waiting so she can see
That I'm healthy, strong and free
When she takes her last earthly breath
And steps into Eternity

I will show her the wonders of Heaven
Through meadow and fields we roam
And we will watch over Momma and Daddy
Till our good Lord calls them home

It could be tomorrow, maybe even today,
or 50 years from now
But the time is known only to one
Only our loving Father can say

But we will wait forever
Side by side, Paw in paw
Until that beautiful day
When Momma and Daddy hear God's call

And as they cross over into the Heavenly light
We will run to them, tails wagging,
And say, "Welcome, Momma and Daddy"
"What took you so long?"
To everyone we've been bragging

Of the love you gave and the tears shed
After we were gone
We wanted to stay-we tried to say
You were never, ever alone

We saw the countless tears you weeped
And knew that inside you were hurting
But the tears were a witness, the angels said
Of your devotion, longing, and loving

So now you are with us again
For Eternity, never to be parted
The moment that you arrived here
Our true lives just got started

I wonder

I wonder, are my little dogs, Taterbug and Coco, sitting in the lap of Jesus? I wonder, do they know how loved they truly were? I wonder do they know that I thought of them as more than "just dogs", but as friends, companions and family members? I wonder, do they watch over us with love beaming down from Heaven? I wonder do they know that their passing has left a void in my heart that will never get better? I wonder if they are younger, healthy, vibrant and awake everyday with a new found sense of wonder in Paradise? I wonder, if when I looked into their beautiful eyes was I really looking into the face of God? I wonder if I was worthy of the undying love that a beautiful dog is capable of giving? I wonder if they have forgiven me for any of the faults and short-comings I had as a human and as their Daddy? I wonder, if when my Forever day happens, will they be at the gates of Paradise to meet me with kisses, licks, tail wags and happy barks? I wonder these things often but know that they are indeed CoCo and Taterbug's reality. The only pain ever caused by a beloved pet is with their passing. Rest easy my babies. Daddy and Momma love and miss you and talk about you all the time. You two cut out huge portions of real estate in our hearts.

THE SPIRIT OF A DOG


I was standing on a hillside
In a field of blowing wheat,
And the spirit of a dog
Was lying at my feet.

He looked at me with kind dark eyes,
Ancient wisdom shining through.
In the essence of his being,
I saw the love there too.

His mind did lock upon my heart
As I stood there on that day,
And he told me of this story
About a place so far away.

As I stood upon that hillside
In a field of blowing wheat,
In a twinkling of a second
His spirit left my feet.

His tale did put my heart at ease,
All my fears did fade away
About what lay ahead of me
On another distant day:

I live among God's creatures now
In the heavens of your mind,
So do not grieve for me, my friend,
As I am with my kind.

My collar is a rainbow's hue,
My leash is a shooting star.
My boundaries are the Milky Way
Where I sparkle from afar.

There are no pens or kennels here
For I am not confined,
But I'm free to roam God's heavens
Among the Doggie kind.

I nap the day on a snowy cloud
Gentle breezes rocking me,
And dream the dreams of earthlings,
And how it used to be.

The trees are full of liver treats,
And tennis balls abound,
And milk bones line the walkways
Just waiting to be found.

There even is a ring set up,
The grass all lush and green;
And everyone who gaits around
Becomes the Best of Breed.

For we're all winners in this place;
We have no faults, you see.
And God passes out those ribbons
To each one, even me.

I drink from waters laced with gold,
My world a beauty to behold;
And wise old dogs do form my pride
To amble at my very side.

At night I sleep in angel's arms,
Her wings protecting me,
And moonbeams dance about us
As stardust falls on thee.

So when your life on Earth is spent
And you stand at Heaven's gate,
Have no fear of loneliness —
For here, you know, I wait.　

We love you so much Taterbug and CoCo. We miss you until we meet again

Taterbug, my beautiful baby girl

It is with great sadness and a grief stricken heart that I write this. My beautiful, 15 year old brindle chihuahua, Taterbug, passed away in my arms, from congestive heart failure. Appropriately, she chose D-Day, June 6, 2010 to leave this world. She picked her own day and time. It was just like her to go out on a memorable day.

I got Taterbug as a 4 week old puppy. She was the runt of the litter and looked just like a tiger kitten when she was young. She was so tiny when I picked her up from the breeder that I put her in my shirt pocket and you couldn't even tell she was there. But as she grew up, my God but her personality was huge. And she was beautiful. And she knew it. She literally grew up with my children. As she got older, she was a little ornery and would bite just because chihuahua's do that. She would wag her tail, bite you, and look at me as if to say, "Father, you dear kind man, I love you to death, but I love biting you too. Please, dear man, do not take it personally, it is just what I do.".

We loved her as much as we loved our own children. My kids thought of her as their sister. I called her many nicknames over the years. Taterbutt, Little Fatness, Little Mean, and finally when the hair on her face started graying, I called her, "my gray faced old girl". Our love for her was huge and intense. And she loved us so much. She would literally holler for me when I came in from work. She would prance around to get my attention, as well.

The years passed. We got other little dogs. Lexi, CoCo and Spot. We loved them dearly but Taterbug was the "Queen" of the household. Anyway, we lost CoCo on April 3, 2010 to Cushings disease. It caught me off guard. While grieving the loss of CoCo, who by the way, would put a diabetic into a coma because of his insane level of sweetness, I started thinking about what would happen if one of the others got sick. Then it happened.

I came in from work one Saturday night, Taterbug, did exactly as she had done so many other times. She yelled for me, tail wagging, and squinting her eyes, making what I called her little "beautiful eyes" at me. After the dogs calmed down from the excitement of my arrival, I said to my wife, "You know, Taters getting old now. I hope she stays with us for a while". My wife told me not to talk that way. Anyway, I was sitting on the couch, Taterbug came to my side, screamed in distress, fell over and I thought she died right then. She had what I thought was a siezure. Eyes rolled back, she went limp, legs straightened and she quit breathing. After I panicked for a minute, she opened her eyes, licked her lips, and seemed to recover. I breathed a huge sigh of relief as she immediately started acting normal. We later went to bed, her with us as always. Things seemed okay. I was so wrong.

Sunday, Taterbug woke up but was having trouble breathing. She was walking as though she was drunk. Had another episode, not as bad but I freaked out again, called the Emergency Clinic. The guy that answered immediately started talking about euthanasia because of her age. I hung up on him. She had difficulty breathing all day that Sunday. I asked God to let her live so I could get her to her regular vet. He did and we took her to him Monday morning. He told us she had just fainted because of fluid around her heart and in her lungs from congestive heart failure. He also said he could treat it and she should be okay. I was ecstatic. My beautiful baby was coming home.

She did return home and we gave her medicine exactly as perscribed. She did better the first day home but started having breathing problems again. I took her back to her vet. He said she was just having a reaction to her meds and to give her a few days but she would get better. So, we did. She had lost her appetite, was very weak, could barely stand. We hydrated her with syringes of water because she would not drink on her own. She never got better. She finally quit eating and drinking one Friday, almost two weeks after the fainting incident. I took her back to her vet. He said "clinically" she is okay. I asked him specifically if her death was imminent. He said emphatically, "NO", and said give her a little more time to get adjusted to the meds.

Saturday, still no appetite, still not drinking, still having breathing problems. But she made it to Sunday but it was much worse. She could not stand as she was so weak. Her body was heaving with every breath. I told my wife we had to take her to the Emergency Clinic and have her put to sleep. My wife almost got hysterical. I was crying my eyes out and I made a bargain with God. I told him if he was not going to save her, then take her quickly. I then picked her up and told her, "Baby, if you need to go to Heaven, then just go. Don't worry about us."

Now in her later years, she had gotten hard of hearing, but in my last words, she was looking me straight in my eyes, and she understood. She stood up in my lap, started barking her "happy" bark. Her bark of recognition. Her eyes focused on something or someone in the distance. She barked for a good 20-30 seconds. Then she lay down in my lap, buried her beautiful little face in my left arm pit, took two deep breaths, and died. I know that when she started barking right before she died, CoCo had come from Paradise to escort her home. She recognized him and was happy. CoCo was a tough little boy and she was frail and small. He just had to make sure she made it without being scared. I know they are in Heaven together now. I just know it. I buried her right beside CoCo in a waterproof container, with patterned brick on top and lattice railing around the perimeter. I made two crosses for them. It is a beautiful spot to rest.

I loved both of them so much. I can hardly wait until I am reunited with them. They wait on me together, with no sickness or sadness. I would have gladly taken their illnesses upon myself to spare them but, alas, God had other plans. Now, I did get mad at God. I thought He was punishing me for something. I railed, cursed and swore at him for days. Then the realization hit me, He was not punishing me, He was rewarding them. My mind is more at ease now but the emptiness is still mind boggling. One last thought, these two perfect beings were loved by me, more than I love most humans. They never,lied, cheated, stole anything or said any hurtful words. The only pain they ever caused was with their passing. How many humans could honestly say that? They were perfection realized here on Earth. I miss them terribly and just hope to God that I was worthy of their love.

Rest in Peace CoCo

I have not posted in a while. But, it is with heavy heart that I report the passing of my littlest boy, my black, bow-legged shih tzu, CoCo. He passed away on 4/3/2010 from the effects of Cushings disease. We had CoCo and his little companion, Lexi, about 5 years. He and Lexi actually belonged to my next door neighbor for the first year of his life. She neglected them terribly. Their life consisted of living on a 5x10 back deck with no cover in all types of weather. Their hair was matted and when it rained, it was heartbreaking as they ran to and fro on the back deck trying to get shelter. When it was too hot or cold, they suffered.

My wife could not take the neglect anymore and went over to my neighbor's house and talked her into giving us CoCo and Lexi. When we got them their hair was matted up horribly and they smelled so bad. It was hard to believe that these two little bundles of energy were allowed to suffer like this but, they were. Anyway we had their hair cut, health checked, and they then worked their way into our hearts. We already had two dogs, a chihuahua named Taterbug and an old hound-dog, Spot. We had plenty of love for more dogs. As time went on CoCo became the alpha male and dominated the household, even though he was small. His personality was comical and his eyes held an intelligence and understanding that let you know that he knew everything going on in our house. He and Lexi along with the others were treated as full members of our family. For 5 years, he and the others brought a lot of love, loyalty and happiness to our household. He was difficult to housetrain, so we used diapers on him. He eventually got it, and we quit with the diapers but when he had them on he was adorable. I grew to love them as you would love a child. And I know he loved me but in reality, I was number two in his life. My wife was number one.

Last summer, I noticed he was panting a lot, drinking a lot, peeing a lot, and his belly had started to swell. He also was developing little cysts under his skin. We took him to the vet and got the diagnosis...Cushings Disease. It is a little tumor that develops on their pituitary gland and makes them secrete too much of a hormone called cortisol. Anyway, we were treating it and he was doing okay, not great but he still had that fire in his eyes and mischief in his heart. His energy was waning. One day he would be okay, the next he would sleep a lot. Our lives revolved around this little boy and his sickness. We never left him alone, never let him go hungry, never let him get dirty. We would clean him when incontinence struck, clean his little butt when he was passing blood. We tucked him in at night, and basically treated him as one would a human that was sick. He had good days and bad days. My wife fussed over him so much that he grew to love her more than anybody. He was a Momma's boy. She kept his hair cut, fed him well, talked to him constantly, and woke up with him at night to use the bathroom. But, he never acted sick. Sure, he would sleep and be a little tired, but the disease was really messing with him, yet he never really showed it. In my blissful ignorance, I did not know how very sick he was. Even when he was feeling his worst, he would always greet me after work with his tail wagging and his whole body shaking with glee. At night, I would try to read and he would have to lick my face for as long as I let him. He would get on one side and Lexi would get on the other and lick my face until I could not take it anymore. I told my wife they were "kissing me in stereo".

Sadly, he lost his battle on 4/3/2010. We woke up to find him, barely alive in the hallway. My wife and son rushed him to the vet's. He died in her arms and the last thing he saw was my wife's face, crying, telling him how much she loved him and what a good boy he was, and begging him to wake up. I buried him in the back yard and made a beautiful little plot for him, covered with red brick and lattice railing. The grief was staggering. I have cried a million tears for that little dog. He brought so much happiness into our lives. I have had a long stretch of bad things happening in my life but this one took the wind right out of me. My wife and I loved this little perfect creature so much that it actually affected me more than when my Mom died in 2007. I think it is because he was a huge part of our lives everyday. With a dog, there is no guile, no deceit, no lying, no cheating. They are perfect examples of God's love towards us and we are only allowed to borrow them for a short while. We loved CoCo but God loved him first. People I know tell me, "It is just a dog". Well, that dog meant more to me and my family than most humans do. To us he was so much more. He is loved and will be missed. He holds a spot in my heart until the day I die. I know life goes on, but I think flowers will be a little duller, music will not be as pretty, colors will not be as bright, for a long time to come for us.