For my babies

How I long to touch you
Just like I did before
Scratch you behind your ears
And hold you just once more
Your time with me was much too short
I love you so very much
You have went to Heaven to await me
And, I no longer feel your touch
But your spirit is right here with me
Until my dying days
You knew without doubt, the love I felt
And our love will never go away
So Taterbug and CoCo To God I give you back, mournful to the end
Until the day, we are re-joined And my heart is on the mend

I love you two little babies

The Eyes of a Dog

What do the eyes of a dog tell you or show you? I believe, when we look into the eyes of a dog, we see the face of God. I believe we feel the love of God shining in our faces. I believe when we look into the eyes of a dog, we see undying pure love and devotion. I believe when we look into the eyes of a dog, we see wonderment in life and nature. We see the glee in a new chew toy. We also see innocence, beauty, friendship, dreams, adventure and many, many wonderful things. I believe if we look closely enough at them, our dogs can see the same things in our eyes while looking into the windows of our soul. A dog's eyes can show you a glint of mischeviousness, a glimmer of hope and sparkles of love. Our dogs show us all these things and all they ask is that we pay attention and see these wonderful things they are showing to us. Are you paying attention?

"I Must Go First"

"I must go first to pave the way"
CoCo said to himself
"Taterbug is fast approaching her Forever Day
and I have to cross over to help"

She puts on a brave face for others
But I know she's scared, frail and gray
I'm tough and strong so I can help her
Journey on her Forever Day

I'll be there waiting so she can see
That I'm healthy, strong and free
When she takes her last earthly breath
And steps into Eternity

I will show her the wonders of Heaven
Through meadow and fields we roam
And we will watch over Momma and Daddy
Till our good Lord calls them home

It could be tomorrow, maybe even today,
or 50 years from now
But the time is known only to one
Only our loving Father can say

But we will wait forever
Side by side, Paw in paw
Until that beautiful day
When Momma and Daddy hear God's call

And as they cross over into the Heavenly light
We will run to them, tails wagging,
And say, "Welcome, Momma and Daddy"
"What took you so long?"
To everyone we've been bragging

Of the love you gave and the tears shed
After we were gone
We wanted to stay-we tried to say
You were never, ever alone

We saw the countless tears you weeped
And knew that inside you were hurting
But the tears were a witness, the angels said
Of your devotion, longing, and loving

So now you are with us again
For Eternity, never to be parted
The moment that you arrived here
Our true lives just got started

I wonder

I wonder, are my little dogs, Taterbug and Coco, sitting in the lap of Jesus? I wonder, do they know how loved they truly were? I wonder do they know that I thought of them as more than "just dogs", but as friends, companions and family members? I wonder, do they watch over us with love beaming down from Heaven? I wonder do they know that their passing has left a void in my heart that will never get better? I wonder if they are younger, healthy, vibrant and awake everyday with a new found sense of wonder in Paradise? I wonder, if when I looked into their beautiful eyes was I really looking into the face of God? I wonder if I was worthy of the undying love that a beautiful dog is capable of giving? I wonder if they have forgiven me for any of the faults and short-comings I had as a human and as their Daddy? I wonder, if when my Forever day happens, will they be at the gates of Paradise to meet me with kisses, licks, tail wags and happy barks? I wonder these things often but know that they are indeed CoCo and Taterbug's reality. The only pain ever caused by a beloved pet is with their passing. Rest easy my babies. Daddy and Momma love and miss you and talk about you all the time. You two cut out huge portions of real estate in our hearts.

THE SPIRIT OF A DOG


I was standing on a hillside
In a field of blowing wheat,
And the spirit of a dog
Was lying at my feet.

He looked at me with kind dark eyes,
Ancient wisdom shining through.
In the essence of his being,
I saw the love there too.

His mind did lock upon my heart
As I stood there on that day,
And he told me of this story
About a place so far away.

As I stood upon that hillside
In a field of blowing wheat,
In a twinkling of a second
His spirit left my feet.

His tale did put my heart at ease,
All my fears did fade away
About what lay ahead of me
On another distant day:

I live among God's creatures now
In the heavens of your mind,
So do not grieve for me, my friend,
As I am with my kind.

My collar is a rainbow's hue,
My leash is a shooting star.
My boundaries are the Milky Way
Where I sparkle from afar.

There are no pens or kennels here
For I am not confined,
But I'm free to roam God's heavens
Among the Doggie kind.

I nap the day on a snowy cloud
Gentle breezes rocking me,
And dream the dreams of earthlings,
And how it used to be.

The trees are full of liver treats,
And tennis balls abound,
And milk bones line the walkways
Just waiting to be found.

There even is a ring set up,
The grass all lush and green;
And everyone who gaits around
Becomes the Best of Breed.

For we're all winners in this place;
We have no faults, you see.
And God passes out those ribbons
To each one, even me.

I drink from waters laced with gold,
My world a beauty to behold;
And wise old dogs do form my pride
To amble at my very side.

At night I sleep in angel's arms,
Her wings protecting me,
And moonbeams dance about us
As stardust falls on thee.

So when your life on Earth is spent
And you stand at Heaven's gate,
Have no fear of loneliness —
For here, you know, I wait.　

We love you so much Taterbug and CoCo. We miss you until we meet again

Taterbug, my beautiful baby girl

It is with great sadness and a grief stricken heart that I write this. My beautiful, 15 year old brindle chihuahua, Taterbug, passed away in my arms, from congestive heart failure. Appropriately, she chose D-Day, June 6, 2010 to leave this world. She picked her own day and time. It was just like her to go out on a memorable day.

I got Taterbug as a 4 week old puppy. She was the runt of the litter and looked just like a tiger kitten when she was young. She was so tiny when I picked her up from the breeder that I put her in my shirt pocket and you couldn't even tell she was there. But as she grew up, my God but her personality was huge. And she was beautiful. And she knew it. She literally grew up with my children. As she got older, she was a little ornery and would bite just because chihuahua's do that. She would wag her tail, bite you, and look at me as if to say, "Father, you dear kind man, I love you to death, but I love biting you too. Please, dear man, do not take it personally, it is just what I do.".

We loved her as much as we loved our own children. My kids thought of her as their sister. I called her many nicknames over the years. Taterbutt, Little Fatness, Little Mean, and finally when the hair on her face started graying, I called her, "my gray faced old girl". Our love for her was huge and intense. And she loved us so much. She would literally holler for me when I came in from work. She would prance around to get my attention, as well.

The years passed. We got other little dogs. Lexi, CoCo and Spot. We loved them dearly but Taterbug was the "Queen" of the household. Anyway, we lost CoCo on April 3, 2010 to Cushings disease. It caught me off guard. While grieving the loss of CoCo, who by the way, would put a diabetic into a coma because of his insane level of sweetness, I started thinking about what would happen if one of the others got sick. Then it happened.

I came in from work one Saturday night, Taterbug, did exactly as she had done so many other times. She yelled for me, tail wagging, and squinting her eyes, making what I called her little "beautiful eyes" at me. After the dogs calmed down from the excitement of my arrival, I said to my wife, "You know, Taters getting old now. I hope she stays with us for a while". My wife told me not to talk that way. Anyway, I was sitting on the couch, Taterbug came to my side, screamed in distress, fell over and I thought she died right then. She had what I thought was a siezure. Eyes rolled back, she went limp, legs straightened and she quit breathing. After I panicked for a minute, she opened her eyes, licked her lips, and seemed to recover. I breathed a huge sigh of relief as she immediately started acting normal. We later went to bed, her with us as always. Things seemed okay. I was so wrong.

Sunday, Taterbug woke up but was having trouble breathing. She was walking as though she was drunk. Had another episode, not as bad but I freaked out again, called the Emergency Clinic. The guy that answered immediately started talking about euthanasia because of her age. I hung up on him. She had difficulty breathing all day that Sunday. I asked God to let her live so I could get her to her regular vet. He did and we took her to him Monday morning. He told us she had just fainted because of fluid around her heart and in her lungs from congestive heart failure. He also said he could treat it and she should be okay. I was ecstatic. My beautiful baby was coming home.

She did return home and we gave her medicine exactly as perscribed. She did better the first day home but started having breathing problems again. I took her back to her vet. He said she was just having a reaction to her meds and to give her a few days but she would get better. So, we did. She had lost her appetite, was very weak, could barely stand. We hydrated her with syringes of water because she would not drink on her own. She never got better. She finally quit eating and drinking one Friday, almost two weeks after the fainting incident. I took her back to her vet. He said "clinically" she is okay. I asked him specifically if her death was imminent. He said emphatically, "NO", and said give her a little more time to get adjusted to the meds.

Saturday, still no appetite, still not drinking, still having breathing problems. But she made it to Sunday but it was much worse. She could not stand as she was so weak. Her body was heaving with every breath. I told my wife we had to take her to the Emergency Clinic and have her put to sleep. My wife almost got hysterical. I was crying my eyes out and I made a bargain with God. I told him if he was not going to save her, then take her quickly. I then picked her up and told her, "Baby, if you need to go to Heaven, then just go. Don't worry about us."

Now in her later years, she had gotten hard of hearing, but in my last words, she was looking me straight in my eyes, and she understood. She stood up in my lap, started barking her "happy" bark. Her bark of recognition. Her eyes focused on something or someone in the distance. She barked for a good 20-30 seconds. Then she lay down in my lap, buried her beautiful little face in my left arm pit, took two deep breaths, and died. I know that when she started barking right before she died, CoCo had come from Paradise to escort her home. She recognized him and was happy. CoCo was a tough little boy and she was frail and small. He just had to make sure she made it without being scared. I know they are in Heaven together now. I just know it. I buried her right beside CoCo in a waterproof container, with patterned brick on top and lattice railing around the perimeter. I made two crosses for them. It is a beautiful spot to rest.

I loved both of them so much. I can hardly wait until I am reunited with them. They wait on me together, with no sickness or sadness. I would have gladly taken their illnesses upon myself to spare them but, alas, God had other plans. Now, I did get mad at God. I thought He was punishing me for something. I railed, cursed and swore at him for days. Then the realization hit me, He was not punishing me, He was rewarding them. My mind is more at ease now but the emptiness is still mind boggling. One last thought, these two perfect beings were loved by me, more than I love most humans. They never,lied, cheated, stole anything or said any hurtful words. The only pain they ever caused was with their passing. How many humans could honestly say that? They were perfection realized here on Earth. I miss them terribly and just hope to God that I was worthy of their love.

Rest in Peace CoCo

I have not posted in a while. But, it is with heavy heart that I report the passing of my littlest boy, my black, bow-legged shih tzu, CoCo. He passed away on 4/3/2010 from the effects of Cushings disease. We had CoCo and his little companion, Lexi, about 5 years. He and Lexi actually belonged to my next door neighbor for the first year of his life. She neglected them terribly. Their life consisted of living on a 5x10 back deck with no cover in all types of weather. Their hair was matted and when it rained, it was heartbreaking as they ran to and fro on the back deck trying to get shelter. When it was too hot or cold, they suffered.

My wife could not take the neglect anymore and went over to my neighbor's house and talked her into giving us CoCo and Lexi. When we got them their hair was matted up horribly and they smelled so bad. It was hard to believe that these two little bundles of energy were allowed to suffer like this but, they were. Anyway we had their hair cut, health checked, and they then worked their way into our hearts. We already had two dogs, a chihuahua named Taterbug and an old hound-dog, Spot. We had plenty of love for more dogs. As time went on CoCo became the alpha male and dominated the household, even though he was small. His personality was comical and his eyes held an intelligence and understanding that let you know that he knew everything going on in our house. He and Lexi along with the others were treated as full members of our family. For 5 years, he and the others brought a lot of love, loyalty and happiness to our household. He was difficult to housetrain, so we used diapers on him. He eventually got it, and we quit with the diapers but when he had them on he was adorable. I grew to love them as you would love a child. And I know he loved me but in reality, I was number two in his life. My wife was number one.

Last summer, I noticed he was panting a lot, drinking a lot, peeing a lot, and his belly had started to swell. He also was developing little cysts under his skin. We took him to the vet and got the diagnosis...Cushings Disease. It is a little tumor that develops on their pituitary gland and makes them secrete too much of a hormone called cortisol. Anyway, we were treating it and he was doing okay, not great but he still had that fire in his eyes and mischief in his heart. His energy was waning. One day he would be okay, the next he would sleep a lot. Our lives revolved around this little boy and his sickness. We never left him alone, never let him go hungry, never let him get dirty. We would clean him when incontinence struck, clean his little butt when he was passing blood. We tucked him in at night, and basically treated him as one would a human that was sick. He had good days and bad days. My wife fussed over him so much that he grew to love her more than anybody. He was a Momma's boy. She kept his hair cut, fed him well, talked to him constantly, and woke up with him at night to use the bathroom. But, he never acted sick. Sure, he would sleep and be a little tired, but the disease was really messing with him, yet he never really showed it. In my blissful ignorance, I did not know how very sick he was. Even when he was feeling his worst, he would always greet me after work with his tail wagging and his whole body shaking with glee. At night, I would try to read and he would have to lick my face for as long as I let him. He would get on one side and Lexi would get on the other and lick my face until I could not take it anymore. I told my wife they were "kissing me in stereo".

Sadly, he lost his battle on 4/3/2010. We woke up to find him, barely alive in the hallway. My wife and son rushed him to the vet's. He died in her arms and the last thing he saw was my wife's face, crying, telling him how much she loved him and what a good boy he was, and begging him to wake up. I buried him in the back yard and made a beautiful little plot for him, covered with red brick and lattice railing. The grief was staggering. I have cried a million tears for that little dog. He brought so much happiness into our lives. I have had a long stretch of bad things happening in my life but this one took the wind right out of me. My wife and I loved this little perfect creature so much that it actually affected me more than when my Mom died in 2007. I think it is because he was a huge part of our lives everyday. With a dog, there is no guile, no deceit, no lying, no cheating. They are perfect examples of God's love towards us and we are only allowed to borrow them for a short while. We loved CoCo but God loved him first. People I know tell me, "It is just a dog". Well, that dog meant more to me and my family than most humans do. To us he was so much more. He is loved and will be missed. He holds a spot in my heart until the day I die. I know life goes on, but I think flowers will be a little duller, music will not be as pretty, colors will not be as bright, for a long time to come for us.

April 10, 1988

A day that I will never forget. It started out like any other day on patrol in the small little town of Graysville, AL. I was on patrol and it was a normal boring Sunday. Nothing ever happened on Sunday. I could go a whole shift and never receive a call. Sunday was the only day that I worked 2pm-10:30pm. The normal evening shift guy was off on Sunday and Monday so I filled in. At about 5pm, I was driving down this long stretch of road called Brookville School Road. It ran from, surprise, Brookville School down a hill to Cherry Avenue. Off to the side of Brookville School Road were short little illegal access roads where locals would dump garbage and shoot guns and drink and do drugs. Well, as I was going down the hill, I saw a 78 Ford Fairmont kinda halfway up one of these roads with it's hood raised, the universal sign for car trouble. I pulled in behind the car and noticed two occupants in the car that I could see. A driver and a front seat passenger.

I thought they were broke down and pulled behind them to see if they needed help. Standard procedure was to call in the tag number and ask for information on the vehicle. I turned on my police lights and proceeded to call dispatch to run the tag number when all of a sudden, a nickel plated revolver was tossed out of the vehicle from the driver's side window. I immediately got out of my car and drew my weapon. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a guy running through the woods away from the scene. (Later found out this guy was suspect #3 and was in the woods taking a piss when I drove up. That was why I only saw the two in the car) Anyway, I ordered the driver out of the car and placed him face first on the ground. I then went to the passenger side and as I was coming from the rear, I could see that the passenger had the glove compartment open and had his "works" laid out on it so that he could "fire up" (inject dope).

As I told him to get out of the vehicle, he opened the door about 8 inches and said, "Fuck you", and backhanded an object towards me. I recognized it after a moment but was shocked to be seeing one in a civilian setting. What he had thrown towards me was a WWII pineapple hand grenade. As a former Marine, I recognized it and started to hit the deck. Someone had dumped a huge roll of old carpeting on the side of this little access road and that was the cover I dove for. But, it was too late. It exploded as I was halfway to the ground and blew dirt, rocks, and shrapnel into my face and upper body. I hit the ground hard and my adrenaline was going about 1000mph. I knew I was hurt but did not know how bad as I could feel no pain. However, there was a steady stream of blood running down from my chest into my pants, from my elbow to my gun hand, and from my forehead into my eyes.

I popped right back up off the ground and the guy in the passenger side started to throw another one. I saw the pin fly across the interior of the car. At the time I was carrying a Colt Gold Cup .45 ACP National Match pistol that had been accurized with the Bar-sto barrel throated and polished to fire one round super accurately. The CCI-Speer 200 grain jacketed hollow-point bullet. I could shoot one inch groups off-hand all day long with this gun and that bullet. I had practiced enough that I could empty a clip in less than 2 seconds. At the time, I was a competition shooter involved in IPSC type shooting which simulated combat shooting and I never missed. Anyway, I reverted back to instinct and I shot. I never will forget the sound of the impact. I swear the thud of the bullet hitting him in the face was distinctly audible. The bullet entered his face slightly inward of his eyesocket almost on the upper bridge of his nose. It was like turning off a light switch. All motion ceased. Well, he dropped the second grenade inside the car and it went off, destroying the interior of the car as well as the guy that dropped it.

I then got back on the radio and dropped a "double ought" (10-00) which is kinda like a police emergency call telling the dispatcher to send all available help my way. My dispatcher asked me was I okay, and I had to look at my "front" to see because again, with the adrenaline pumping like crazy, I could not feel anything. I told the dispatcher that I was bleeding pretty badly and to send me some medical help. The driver of the car never moved and I proceeded to place him in the rear of my car after kicking the shit out of him.

My car was severely damaged from the blast of the first one, as was the offenders car. Also the offenders car was pretty much destroyed from the interior blast of the second grenade. Within 5 minutes, the place was crawling with police officers from everywhere. News reporters were also on the scene as they had been in the area scanning for stories on their police scanners. Inside what was left of the car we found a LAW anti-tank weapon, a sub-caliber device for a LAW rocket, a MAC10 sub-machine pistol with full auto capabilities, 2000 rounds of ammunition, and some assorted pistols and revolvers.

The hand grenades were real enough but had been constructed with old WWII hand grenade bodies that people use as paperweights and can be bought at any Army-Navy store. The bodies were real but the explosive material was taken out. They had put black powder back in the bodies and put training fuses on them, essentially recreating what they originally were. According to the driver, they planned to rob a local crack house and were doing dope in order to get the nerve up to complete the robbery.

The guy I shot was well known as he had killed a 15 year old kid at West Jefferson Lake the previous summer. The kid had stood up to a group of drunks that were giving his 12 year old sister a hard time. The bad guy went to his vehicle and pulled out an AR15 and shot the kid through the neck.

Believe it or not, he was out on unsupervised probation because of an extremely crooked Judge, Jack Montgomery, when he and I crossed paths. The newspaper at the time reported that I was killed. I called them and told them I was not. They cleared that up but reported that I had shot the guy with a rifle. I had to call and correct them on that as well. I had sustained blast injuries to my face, upper torso, and arms that still plague me to this day. From time to time a little grain of sand or dirt will work it's way to the surface of my skin and be painful as hell until it gets taken out. At first I had to go back to the Doctor fairly regularly to get the pieces taken out, but as the years progressed, I had to go back less and less.

Anyway, the driver and the guy that ran went to trial in Federal Court (possession of the weapons they had was a federal crime). The driver's Mom actually caught me during the proceedings and begged me to testify that her son did nothing and knew nothing about what was going down. I told her that I would tell the truth but would not lessen nor add to his actions

After the trial was over and I had been raked through the coals for my actions, the other two guys were found guilty and sentenced to 43 years in the Federal lockup for "Attempted Murder of a Police Officer". I was walking to the elevator afterwards, lost in my own thoughts when I heard a commotion going on behind me. As I turned around, the girlfriend of the guy I shot jumped on me and literally beat the shit out of me before I could react or the court bailiffs could get her off. She was arrested and taken away. Every year I get notifications in the mail that the other two are coming up for parole. Every year they get denied that parole. I wonder how I would react if they got out and I ran into them? (I purposefully left most names out of this story as the families of those involved still live in one of the local communities)