It is with great sadness and a grief stricken heart that I write this. My beautiful, 15 year old brindle chihuahua, Taterbug, passed away in my arms, from congestive heart failure. Appropriately, she chose D-Day, June 6, 2010 to leave this world. She picked her own day and time. It was just like her to go out on a memorable day.
I got Taterbug as a 4 week old puppy. She was the runt of the litter and looked just like a tiger kitten when she was young. She was so tiny when I picked her up from the breeder that I put her in my shirt pocket and you couldn't even tell she was there. But as she grew up, my God but her personality was huge. And she was beautiful. And she knew it. She literally grew up with my children. As she got older, she was a little ornery and would bite just because chihuahua's do that. She would wag her tail, bite you, and look at me as if to say, "Father, you dear kind man, I love you to death, but I love biting you too. Please, dear man, do not take it personally, it is just what I do.".
We loved her as much as we loved our own children. My kids thought of her as their sister. I called her many nicknames over the years. Taterbutt, Little Fatness, Little Mean, and finally when the hair on her face started graying, I called her, "my gray faced old girl". Our love for her was huge and intense. And she loved us so much. She would literally holler for me when I came in from work. She would prance around to get my attention, as well.
The years passed. We got other little dogs. Lexi, CoCo and Spot. We loved them dearly but Taterbug was the "Queen" of the household. Anyway, we lost CoCo on April 3, 2010 to Cushings disease. It caught me off guard. While grieving the loss of CoCo, who by the way, would put a diabetic into a coma because of his insane level of sweetness, I started thinking about what would happen if one of the others got sick. Then it happened.
I came in from work one Saturday night, Taterbug, did exactly as she had done so many other times. She yelled for me, tail wagging, and squinting her eyes, making what I called her little "beautiful eyes" at me. After the dogs calmed down from the excitement of my arrival, I said to my wife, "You know, Taters getting old now. I hope she stays with us for a while". My wife told me not to talk that way. Anyway, I was sitting on the couch, Taterbug came to my side, screamed in distress, fell over and I thought she died right then. She had what I thought was a siezure. Eyes rolled back, she went limp, legs straightened and she quit breathing. After I panicked for a minute, she opened her eyes, licked her lips, and seemed to recover. I breathed a huge sigh of relief as she immediately started acting normal. We later went to bed, her with us as always. Things seemed okay. I was so wrong.
Sunday, Taterbug woke up but was having trouble breathing. She was walking as though she was drunk. Had another episode, not as bad but I freaked out again, called the Emergency Clinic. The guy that answered immediately started talking about euthanasia because of her age. I hung up on him. She had difficulty breathing all day that Sunday. I asked God to let her live so I could get her to her regular vet. He did and we took her to him Monday morning. He told us she had just fainted because of fluid around her heart and in her lungs from congestive heart failure. He also said he could treat it and she should be okay. I was ecstatic. My beautiful baby was coming home.
She did return home and we gave her medicine exactly as perscribed. She did better the first day home but started having breathing problems again. I took her back to her vet. He said she was just having a reaction to her meds and to give her a few days but she would get better. So, we did. She had lost her appetite, was very weak, could barely stand. We hydrated her with syringes of water because she would not drink on her own. She never got better. She finally quit eating and drinking one Friday, almost two weeks after the fainting incident. I took her back to her vet. He said "clinically" she is okay. I asked him specifically if her death was imminent. He said emphatically, "NO", and said give her a little more time to get adjusted to the meds.
Saturday, still no appetite, still not drinking, still having breathing problems. But she made it to Sunday but it was much worse. She could not stand as she was so weak. Her body was heaving with every breath. I told my wife we had to take her to the Emergency Clinic and have her put to sleep. My wife almost got hysterical. I was crying my eyes out and I made a bargain with God. I told him if he was not going to save her, then take her quickly. I then picked her up and told her, "Baby, if you need to go to Heaven, then just go. Don't worry about us."
Now in her later years, she had gotten hard of hearing, but in my last words, she was looking me straight in my eyes, and she understood. She stood up in my lap, started barking her "happy" bark. Her bark of recognition. Her eyes focused on something or someone in the distance. She barked for a good 20-30 seconds. Then she lay down in my lap, buried her beautiful little face in my left arm pit, took two deep breaths, and died. I know that when she started barking right before she died, CoCo had come from Paradise to escort her home. She recognized him and was happy. CoCo was a tough little boy and she was frail and small. He just had to make sure she made it without being scared. I know they are in Heaven together now. I just know it. I buried her right beside CoCo in a waterproof container, with patterned brick on top and lattice railing around the perimeter. I made two crosses for them. It is a beautiful spot to rest.
I loved both of them so much. I can hardly wait until I am reunited with them. They wait on me together, with no sickness or sadness. I would have gladly taken their illnesses upon myself to spare them but, alas, God had other plans. Now, I did get mad at God. I thought He was punishing me for something. I railed, cursed and swore at him for days. Then the realization hit me, He was not punishing me, He was rewarding them. My mind is more at ease now but the emptiness is still mind boggling. One last thought, these two perfect beings were loved by me, more than I love most humans. They never,lied, cheated, stole anything or said any hurtful words. The only pain they ever caused was with their passing. How many humans could honestly say that? They were perfection realized here on Earth. I miss them terribly and just hope to God that I was worthy of their love.
