Taterbug and CoCo

To Love A Dog

Oh, how a dog can bless your life

Canine wisdom teaches you much

The value of unconditional love,

The comfort of a loyal touch.

Dogs have their own sweet dignity

Playing or resting a head on your knee

Sharing your joy and sensing your pain,

With a love that's sunshine in the rain.

As you gaze into loving, soulful eyes

I pray that God helps you realize

Your dog and you will never part,

For true love lives inside the heart.

Your Happiness

People say you are with me in my heart

but it sure feels like we’re apart.

They say you are watching over me

to help from a place I cannot see.

It is my belief that you can’t do any more

then you did in this realm before.

And what you did was inspire me

with your uplifting empathy.

Your presence made my days

lifting my spirits always.

Without your nearness life is cold

and it’s your warmth I want to hold.

Your presence brightened a room.

now the empty space is filled with gloom.

Even just to have you lie at my feet

comforted me with peace so sweet.

I try to envision us in my mind

walking in nature while the sun shined.

I smile when picturing your eyes

looking up at me gentle and wise.

But none of these pictures in my mind

fulfill my heart, because I’m left behind.

We were a team, you and me;

I feared nothing and lived carefree.

How do I find my way?

Without you I’m going astray.

But, my dear beloved girl and boy

I know that where you are, there is joy.

And with this knowledge I’ll be okay

Because it’s your happiness for which I pray.

I miss them

Words Overheard Near a Rainbow

I couldn't keep you young forever
I couldn't keep you from growing old
Though I tried to forever keep you healthy

Keep you safe and warm from the cold

I couldn't save you from that illness
I couldn't save you from that plight
I tried to save you, oh how I tried
But I could just not make it right

I couldn't save you from that water
I couldn't save you from that fire
I tried to protect you from everything
To keep you safe was my only desire

I couldn't save you from that accident
I couldn't save you from being attacked
I would if I could, change everything
If it could only bring you back

I couldn't find you when you went missing
I couldn't find you anywhere
My heart in pieces, I searched for you
Please don't think that I didn't care

I left the room for your final breath
Oh how that haunts me so
I love you more than words can say
I couldn't bear to watch you go

I couldn't see the bad things coming
How could I miss so many signs
If love could keep you alive forever
You'd be here, you'd be just fine

I wasn't with you when you slipped away
I was miles away when you died
I had no idea that you were going to be gone
So many tears now I have cried

It hurt my heart to see you suffer
It tore my soul to see you in pain
The look in my eyes, I didn't want goodbyes
I just wanted you home again

Forgive me for not saving you
Forgive me for letting go
Please forgive me for so many things
I love you more than you know

I sit now and stare at memories
Of loss and disbelief
Not a single thing is sheltered from
This complete and tearing grief

I think of every moment
I think of all the years
The years we shared, or could have shared
I just can't stop these tears

I absolutely love you
It is absolute this pain
How I absolutely miss you
Not a thing here feels the same

Your presence was my sunshine
Your voice my favorite song
Oh so alive, the very essence of life
How in the world can you be gone

I thought I saw you in a shadow there
I think I hear you in the occasional sound
Sometimes at night, when all is still
I could swear that you're still around

I walk this world without you now
If I were to walk it everywhere
Every thought, every step, every beat of my heart
You'll be always with me there

If I were to stand on the edge of a mountain
If I were to gaze out over the sea
Don't you know that you're there, deep in my soul
Absolutely everywhere with me

I try to put it all back together
My life, my soul, my heart
But to live this life without you now
I just don't know how to start

~ ~

Do you remember the day that you found me
Do you remember the day that we met
You saved me then from so many fates
That you cannot realize yet

You couldn't save me from that illness
You couldn't save me from that plight
But I was safe so long from so many things
And I was happy day and night

You couldn't keep me young forever
I couldn't keep from growing old
But every moment with you was a lifetime of love
To let the truth be told

You would have saved me from that water
You would have saved me from my fate
You would if you could, I know you would
So please love yourself , don't hate

You couldn't save me from the accident
You couldn't save me from that foe
Think of the life that we shared, all the magical times
Oh how I dearly love you so

You couldn't find me when I went missing
Of course I know how hard you tried
But your love it warmed me wherever I went
It warmed me far and wide

You couldn't bear to watch my passing
You had to stand outside the door
Please don't despair, I could feel your love there
As strongly as ever before

It hurt you to watch me suffer
It hurt your heart to see me in pain
You loved me so much, and I know it was hard
But there is sunshine here past that rain

I wasn't alone in my passing
Even though you were miles away
I was never alone, as your love filled my heart
From the first moment of our very first day

I know how you so tried to mend me
And with your life you would protect me so
We couldn't see the bad things coming
But it's alright, I want you to know

I can't forgive you in any way
Not in rhyme, not in thought, or in song
Don't ask forgiveness, as there's nothing to forgive
You loved me, so how is that wrong

Oh why oh why are you weeping
Oh why has your face gone blank
I had a beautiful life beyond my wildest of dreams
And for that it's you that I thank

Smile with me and warm in the memories
See me here beyond your tears
The bond that we share is a wonderous thing
Not measured in hours, or in months or in years

With you, I had all that I wanted
I needed no fortunes of kings and queens
You gave me love, gave me warmth and happiness
I was rich beyond my wildest dreams

Please smile now and walk strong, I ask you
Gain your strength once again, please start
I wanted to tell you, from the moment we met
You are the absolute beat of my heart

Do you know that I very much love you
How I so absolutely do
If I had a thousand lifetimes, to be with one soul
I would spend every moment with you

I'm glad that you hear me near you
And see my shadow both night and day
Though it seems that I'm gone, as I'm no longer there
But I am never all that far away

When you see a rainbow near in the sky
It's a gift to your heart from mine
So many of us here, oh such love
Together we all make it shine

So sit now and smile at our moments
And know that our love knows no end
Cry tears of joy, I'm the love of your life
And you're mine, my very best friend

So if you feel empty on the top of the mountain
Or as you gaze to the far distant shores
Trust when you feel me, when to your heart I do whisper...
"We'll be together, forevermore."

CoCo and Rebel

My CoCo was a lttle fearless shih tzu. He did not realize how small he truly was. You would listen to his bark and think he was a huge doberman or something. Anyway, I let him out to peepee in the front yard one time. Our neighbor had this huge black Newfoundland (?) name of Rebel. Now Rebel goes about 180 lbs or more. He is on an electronic leash and will only go to the edge of his yard but no further. Anyway, I let CoCo out to peepee. Rebel sees him and goes to the edge of his yard and starts barking. CoCo sees Rebel and takes off running towards him barking up a storm. He was really moving, those little legs going as fast as they could. His little ears were flopping. And it was his, "I'm gonna kick your butt" bark. It scared the crap out of me because I thought to myself, "Rebel would kill him with one snap". I take off after CoCo. Now, right as CoCo gets to Rebel, he pulls up short, raises his leg, and pees all over Rebels foot. Rebel, moves forward a couple of inches and pees on CoCo's head, and literally soaks him. I reach in and grab CoCo and take him back across to my wife, who upon hearing the commotion, has come out to see what was happening. CoCo was drenched head to tail. We laughed so hard that we had tears in our eyes. I really miss that little comical boy

Not your average dream

I recently lost two dogs. CoCo passed from Cushings disease on April 3rd and Taterbug passed from congestive heart failure on June 6th. I have cried a million tears for those little dogs. I loved them a lot and miss them immensley. My wife had a visitation from CoCo that I recounted in a posting from earlier. I, however, had not had a dream or anything about them. I was just a tad bit jealous but did not say anything. This is what gives me chills, even as I type this. This morning, my alarm clock went off. I hit the snooze button which gives me 9 more minutes of sleep. I dozed back off and immediately, Taterbug came to me in a dream, squinting her eyes like she used to do when she would give me, "beautiful eyes". Her little tail was wagging and she appeared different. I bent to pick her up and realized, she was younger. I started crying, in my sleep as I picked her up. It was so real, I felt her in my hands again. Then, the dang alarm went back off and I had to get up, tears still rolling down my face. I recounted the dream to my wife and she said, "I just had the exact same dream, was she giving you "beautiful eyes"? I said yes and she started crying saying that the dream she had was at the exact time and was exactly the same. I was blown away that me and my wife could have the same dream at the same time. We cried for 10 minutes about how pretty Taterbug was and that it had to be Taterbug visiting, letting us know that she is fine and not old and frail anymore. I would not have believed it if I had not experienced it. I now await CoCo. I figure Taterbug will show him how to visit us. It has given me a sense of peace that I have not had until now. If CoCo comes to me, I think it would complete the circle and life would go on, not as beautiful as when they were alive but it will go on.

CoCo made his presence known

It was 4/3/2010 that my sweet little Shih tzu, CoCo passed away from complications from Cushings disease. Not a day has passed that I have not eventually broke into tears. Now, CoCo loved me but he absolutely worshipped my wife. When he died, she took it even harder than me. Anyway, she called me this morning, crying her eyes out. She said she was busy making breakfast, which was CoCo's favorite time of the day. He would be in the kitchen right under her feet waiting on her to finish. She said the other three dogs were sleeping, so it was basically silent except for bacon frying in the pan. CoCo had a very distinct way of getting your attention if he thought you did not notice him waiting. He would snort, and then you would hear him say, "harrumph", which would always make us laugh and smile. Well, she said she heard that loudly in the silence. CoCo' little lifelong companion, Lexi, immediately woke up and her tail started wagging. My wife called me, crying her eyes out. I told her that CoCo was just letting her and Lexi know that he was still with them. It was a sign. Ironically it has been exactly one month since he died. I told her not to cry but rejoice in the fact that his love was so strong it reached across the chasm between life and death to communicate his love. That is true undying love. Hopefully, he will come to me in my dreams or similiarly and give me some inner peace knowing that he knew how very much we loved him.

Do you remember?

I was sitting at work thinking of my two lost little ones. I have to do that so I can keep them fresh in my memory. But one thing that kept flashing into my mind was the first day that I got them.

I got Taterbug about two weeks after we lost our albino chihuahua, Caesar in the summer of 1997. Caesar was killed by a male Dalmatian after he went sniffing a female Dalmatians rear end. Kind of an inglorious way to go, but that was my little Caesar. We grieved and cried for about two weeks when my wife told me of a woman that had a littler of chihuahua pups with no papers. Seems like her and her soon-to-be ex husband were divorcing. One owned the Mama and one owned the Daddy do and neither would provide the other with papers to make them officially "chihuahua's". Reluctantly, I agreed to go look at them. When I got there, there were only 4 pups left. And the scrawniest, shyest, one of them all crawled towards me and looked up at me. It was love at first sight. That was my "Taterbug". I gave the lady $100.00 for her and scooped Taterbug up and put her in my shirt pocket. She was so small that you could not even tell that I had anything in my pocket. Being brindle, she looked just like a little tiger cub kitten. As a matter of fact, people would ask me if she was a kitten. She wasn't she was a chihuahua. I took her home and surprised my kids with her. She literally grew up with them. I miss that old girl. She lived through a lot of good times and bad times with us. I know she is in Heaven now, no longer old, but young and healthy.

CoCo was a little different story. Our next door neighbor had CoCo and his little half-sister, a silky tzu, Lexi, living on her back deck. It was about a 5x10 area with no shelter from the sun, rain, cold, or whatever the weather was doing. And their hair was so matted they were miserable. Everytime we came home my wife would step over and say "Hello" to them. They were a stinky little mass of hair. For those that have had shih-tzu's and silky tzu's, you know how quickly that can happen. My wife kept saying she was going to get those dogs from our neighbor. Anyway, one day I come home from work and she had done it. She talked the lady into giving us both dogs. My wife was on the back porch with clippers shaving them down as best she could. When she finished I told her, "Those dogs look like fire victims". It DID make them more comfortable. My wife said the woman eagerly agreed to give them to us because, in her words, "They stink and they eat poopoo". I fell head over heels in love with them from the first day. CoCo had such a comical personality. He was always grinning. He was hard to housetrain though. What we did was buy Pampers diapers and alter them to fit him, until he got the hang of it. He was so embarassed by the diapers. I think my other dogs laughed at him. He eventually got the hang of it and didn't peepee anymore in the house. I love that little smiling boy so much. I wish he was still here with us.